Laser Moon (1993)

 5 REASONS TO WATCH LASER MOON

1. SURPRISINGLY DISAPPOINTING SCI-FI WEAPON

There's a masked killer murdering innocent women with a "high-tech weapon" as they tell on the dvd box to sell the movie. This weapon might be the least thrilling sci-fi weapon apparatus in movie history.

2. SURPRISINGLY DISAPPOINTING SHOWER SCENE

The movie opens with "TRACI LORDS IN" following a cool movie title "LASER MOON", and going straight to a shower scene...

...but it's not Traci in the shower. In such a subtle way they actually managed to make a nude scene disappointing. That might be the first in movie history.

3. TRACI LORDS

As mentioned, at the very least the movie stars Traci Lords so there's that odd sense of curiosity going for the movie.

And even she is bored and disappointed about the whole thing.

4. CRAZY NEGATIVE SHOTS

There's this guy who kinda looks like Giovanni Lombardo Radice's character in City of the Living Dead. He's going all crazy and he has a habit to cut nude pictures of women from magazines. 

Then suddenly all is shown in negative colors to probably show how crazy the dude is.

I like to think though that they noticed there were quite a bit of "naughty bits" showing in the pictures and they don't want to cut down the running length of the film so they figured this is the way to hide them.

5. PLOT TWIST

There's this radio host who talks and talks and talks and goes on and on and on. The talk sequences seem endless and while it's fun to watch all the equipment around the room, even that gets eventually boring when nothing goes nowhere.

 But suddenly there's a moment where the movie is brought from the slowest boredom to the highest excitement for a few seconds. The movie might have one disappointment of a sci-fi weapon but it's got a great sci-fi plot twist, both of which make no sense whatsoever. I don't know what the hell that weapon is supposed to be and I don't know what the hell is happening but it's really cool!

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Prey of the Jaguar (1996)

5 REASONS TO WATCH PREY OF THE JAGUAR

 

 

 

1. COOL OPENING CREDITS

The opening credits are really cool and the title music is great too. Too bad the movie is at its most exciting here. But then again a boring movie without cool opening credits is worse than a boring movie with cool opening credits. So this one definitely has at least that going on for it.

 

 

2. TREVOR "COLIN 'MATT DILLON' FARRELL" GODDARD

The bad guy in this movie looks like Colin Farrell who looks like Matt Dillon.

3. STACY KEACH WITH LONG HAIR

For some reason it's really surprising to see Stacy Keach with long hair. And then it's somehow even more surprising the hair is shorter long hair than it first feels it would and should and could be.

4. THE EXORCIST

This movie gets way more interesting when you pretend Linda Blair is actually playing Regan MacNeil with fake identity and this movie is The Exorcist 4: Prey of the Jaguar.

5. SUPERHERO COSTUME

The superhero costume they rarely show looks like something that would be on some kids action adventure show or some CDi or Sega CD laser gun game. In its full form with that glowing visor thing it's really cool! You get to see that for maybe ten seconds though but it's still cool and makes for a cool video cover which probably was its real purpose in the first place in a cheap movie like this.

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Tunnel (2002)

5 REASONS TO WATCH TUNNEL

1. BALDWIN

If you want to watch an Alec Baldwin movie but you can't, you can watch a Stephen Baldwin movie. If you want to watch a Stephen Baldwin movie but you can't, you can watch a William Baldwin movie. If you want to watch a William Baldwin movie but you can't, you can watch a Daniel Baldwin movie.

It's directed by him too! It's the second of the three movies he has directed. Alec has directed only one, so there's that. And he looks more Alec than Stephen and William looks, so Daniel might be the best fix for any Alec Baldwin movie craving someone might for some reason in some corner of the world have.

2. THE ROCKET LAUNCHER GUY

This guy shoots with a bazooka legs stretched wide. I guess no-one ever told the guy that nothing and no-one should be right behind the weapon while firing it.

Dude's an absolute madman.

3. EXPLOSION

The explosion the bazooka guy causes is pretty damn awesome. Too bad all of the energy for the rest of the movie was exhausted in this one scene right at the beginning of the movie.

4. TRIO OF LOOKALIKES

This trio is supposed to consist of a lady as a possible love interest, a funny sidekick and a hilariously sarcastic main hero guy with tons of chemisty between each other. Every single one of those elements falls very flat, but at the very least the group has a "Mia Sara", a "Paul Giamatti" and an "Alec Baldwin", so try to get as much enjoyment out of that as you can.

5. KIM COATES MAKES A FUNNY FACE

Kim Coates pulls off a funny face and is all "that's funny" about it.

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