The Return of the Living Dead (1985)

5 REASONS TO WATCH THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD (1985)

1. THE CLOTHES

I guess the entire collection of 80's clothing styles are all represented within this group of people. How on earth did these people find each other and decided to group together, I don't know.

 2. THE COOL HAIR GUY

I like the hair of that dude. It's got a bit of a young Rick James feel to it.

3. ZOMBIES RISING FROM THEIR GRAVES

It's mind-boggling how rare sight this actually is in zombie movies. In a way you'd expect every zombie film to have at least one dead corpse to dig his way out of his grave in a graveyard, but no, that very rarely happens. I'm glad this one has a nice graveyard scene, even though it's kinda ruined by an absolutely horrible choice of music. I know lots of people love the soundtrack of this movie but I can't stand the way they ruined the mood of many many many scenes by having some 80's happy pop-rock-punk nonsense played on them. Those songs don't fit in the scenes at all! The title theme is FANTASTIC though. I would've loved to hear that playing on this graveyard scene.

 4. SOME COOL ZOMBIE SCENES

Even though this is partly a comedy, there are some scenes, moments and images that have some genuine creepiness in them.

5. THE SEXY CHICK

First of all, this is a great shot:

Secondly, she's topless and naked through most of her scenes...

Thirdly, the shot of her walking through the fog is amazing...

...but damn, her face and mouth in zombie mode is unsettling and pretty much brings every ounce of arousal down very quickly.

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Virginia (1983)

5 REASONS TO WATCH VIRGINIA (1983)

 1. SHAUNA GRANT

First things first. Virginia is an old porno film and Shauna Grant is mind-numbingly pretty. Now that I've gotten that out of my system, let's get on with the rest of the reasons.

2. A MONKEY!

 There's a monkey! His name is either Jeff or Geoff.

People love monkeys. Show me a monkey and I show you all the people around the monkey going all "awww, hi, hello, hi, awwww, monkeyyy, awwww" on it.

3. SPORT-MONKEY

The monkey has a tennis racket! And he's wearing a tennis outfit!

 (it looks like he's not comfortable sitting so close to her - I mean, who would be! - but actually he just sneakily picked his nose and ate whatever he found from there)

4. ARTIST-MONKEY

The monkey is an artist! He's even wearing a beret! At first he's all serious and artist-like, but then he LOLs about it.

 

5. POOL-MONKEY

Jeff (or Geoff) has gone into the pool with the girls. As soon as the girls take their tops off, he can't take his eyes off of those boobies. He just can't. And he's very happy about it.

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The Beyond (1981)

5 REASONS TO WATCH THE BEYOND (1981)

1. WHITE EYES

Not the modern demonzombie bullshit, but mysterious greatness.

2. THE ZOMBIE HOSPITAL SEQUENCE

Done back in the day when they still knew what the living dead are supposed to be. No barking demons. No raging lunatics. Just dead. But alive.

 

 

 

3. HORRIBLE THINGS HAPPEN TO EYES

 They have now 0 reasons to watch anything.

4. HORRIBLE THINGS HAPPEN TO FACES

Glass pierces the face, lots of acid melting the face and... OH MY GOD THE SPIDERS! THEY EAT THE POOR GUY'S FACE!

 

5. ???????????????

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Only The Quiet Earth has been able to pull off something as great as this scene is.

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